Back From Vacation! Thats Right Vacation!

Sorry everyone I know you missed me blogging about my miserable life, all my humiliating accidents and horrible mishaps. I know it must of been hard for you to live your perfect lives without me, some of you might have forgot how great you have it. Noticed I didn't get any donations lately, you give money to poverty stricken kids in third world countries, why not benji! I worse off then most of them kids. What will it take to get some damn money for some booze on here? How about I get me a commercial of me half naked and crying in an alley way, with Susan Struther's advocating my poverty, better yet get me Susan Sarandon, any Susan will do! Alright enough just full begging. So to tell you folks I am back from my semi-annual vacation. I was in Coney Island visiting my good old friend Hillman, better known as Hillman The Boardwalk Bum. He's doing pretty well out there getting a lot of money from some FINE FOLKS. Now I know your all thinking, a homeless bum can't go on a vacation... Why the hell not, you think that because I got no money and no ambitions I can't go on vacation! well screw you mr. only people with disposable income should enjoy themselves in this fine U, S of A. I'm sorry to get so upset all this talking with words is giving me a headache, a headache I might add that can be quenched with an icy cold Bud Light! Give generously people!

CANADIANS LOVE THE HOMELESS!!!

Hello all, I was minding my own business in Bryant Park. If you have never heard of it, its a great place for me to sit and relax and scare off tourists. I'm Just about to pass out on this bench, when this tall ginger kid offered me his coat, I was like damn man I don't want your coat, its freezing out here, what are you simple. Kid said he was Canadian, that explains it. I was brother keep your coat, you got any change, some bills for Benji, damn Canadian opened up his wallet in front of me, I had to explain to Mr Ginger Canadian that you don't open up your wallet full of money if front of guy with nothing to loose, you know what im saying, kid was stupid or something. He asked me how much I wanted!!!!!!! I said I'll take everything you got, jokingly, HE GAVE IT ALL TO ME! I got $43, That's 48 Bud Light!!! now them Canadians ain't rich but they sure do love the homeless, don't know if he was simple or something, but thanks Canada, send some more my way, I'll be at the park every day from 12-3. Bless you Canadians, but stop being so damn stupid with your money!

Ted Williams, Really, WHAT ABOUT ME!!!

I haven't posted anything on here in a while since non of the fine folks that read me seemed to give me some change. Hell I would take anything 1cent 2cents, com'on people this is me crying out for some help. So I'm seeing this Ted Williams guy everywhere, america pulled a homeless man off the street and is giving him another chance, well isnt that nice, where is my helping hand? I have a golden voice, sure it might be because of my degenerating vocal cords, please help me out. If not for me then Ted Williams sake, helping me, helps people like him. Give me some change people, Obama promised me some but I'm still waiting, help a brother out in the meantime. Thanks everyone, God Bless!

She's As Cold As Ice!!!

Oh my god its cold outside. What the hell happened to Fall, it's like it went from winter to summer and now back to winter. It's not fair for us shelter disabled people, we deserve our months of coverless nights, but they took everything away so it was only a matter of time until they took away my personal warmth. Usually when winter comes Im not as pissed, but the loss of Fall and the fact Im in a new area tends to tick me off a little. The temperature actually dipped below freezing last night, ITS SEPTEMBER NOT NOVEMBER. If there is a mother nature she really F%$#%'D up, or someone pissed her off because she is fridged, she's as cold as ice, and we are definitley paying the price. This post is taking me forever to write, because my fingers were so cold my circulation isnt so good. Either way I would rather find a more permenant situation for living and eating, there isnt much items availble to use for shelter in this new area, nothing to keep my warmth... the stupid scouts took my make shift blankets, cleaning up the neighborhood my ass... wait scratch that my freezing ass. Anyways I am going to hide out here for the night, hopefully frank the SG is lazy tonight im not in the mood for running, later! 

Well I'm Still Alive!!!

Good Evening, well I'm still alive had to fight for my home, but after pepper spray to the face and a kick in the groin I was spent. As you might remember they came to clean up my neighborhood yesterday. I tried everything to stay but no luck the changers won and now I had to relocate to a new spot after 5 years! The new spot isn't bad, a little more noisier but I have more space then before. I had to get a new box because mine was ruined from someone pissing on it! For the purpose of my safety I am not going to disclose my new location, as I believe this blog led to previous vandalisation. It's a temperary but I think I will manage, no dumpsters near by but them the breaks... I just wanted to write that Im not dead, I've just been going through a busy time... talk later!

BA my new Friend!

I feel so blessed today, and I had to note it on here for everyone to know! A great man named Bill Ansel came into my life, heard my plea and delivered a 6 pack of Bud Light to me today... He might have called him self Bill Ansel, sorry if I misspelled your name Bill, but I call you B.A. Beer Angel! I don't know how he heard I liked Bud Light, maybe it was this blog or one of 20 signs I have up all over the city, but BA answered and I thank him for that. Those 6 beers which were ice cold made this afternoon one of the greatest ever, reminded me why I miss Beer so much. All you beer drinkers know what I'm talking about, when that first bit of alcohol enters your mouth the tingling sensation of pure joy floods over your body. For all you people out there that don't know how to get things cold when your on the street and don't have the liberty of a fridge, which I don't. Here is a tip for you all, find an apartment or business with an air conditioner that is exposed on the outer side of the building, you can get to them by most fire escapes! Once you find one that is on, take your beer and place it on the top it should give a cold draft, that can get your beer to the right temperature fast if done right. Once again thanks B.A. you made my day, alrighty I'm off to find something to munch on, see y'all folks later!

They're Coming!

You hear about it from folks happening to them and their home, and you hope it will never happen to you. We cant all be as lucky, I heard through the grape vine that there coming this Sunday. Those damn kids they show up without warning, clean out the gutters throw away your home and get rid of your pets, leaving you homeless and hungry! more then usual. They call it cleaning, neighborhood development. Well I hate it, I try to live in peace, do my part for society and these so called good doers come and take it all away from you. Something has to be done, I'm not going to leave this time! First when Giuliani took away my sheltered home underground, that was enough. We were great down there, it was like mini neighborhoods. Only difference is that we talked to each other, had block parties. It was great, I look back at those times as the best time of my life. But yet again the Eddy punchclock's and the Sally housecoat's of this world was getting unnerved with us finally getting comfortable. So I don't care when they come, I'm going to fight for my freedom of location, possession is 90% of the law and my name is all over my alley so back off society. All I want from you is some cash to get some beer. I take donations through my pay pal account, what you think I'm homeless so I can't have a paypal account. Im part of the homeless 2.0 we understand mail so get off you highhorse and spare some change you jackass!!!

Someone Pissed On My Home!

I don't know who did it but im pissed, I get home from a can run and what do I find my deluxe samsung fridge box has been pissed on! Who the hell has the nerve to piss on a guys house, especially one that is down on his luck for the last 12 years. Yah so what I ask for money, and I my body odor makes your baby cry, I CANT HELP IT! Im unemployable, don't you think Ive looked for jobs. I would do anything, yes anything... Ive drank things that out of plastic bags, im not proud of it but a man needs to drink! I prefer beer, Bud Light to be specific. What you think im a pussy because I drink light beer, It doesnt get me sick ok!!! and when you don't have running water its a problem when you get sick. Why don't I come and piss on your house, see how you like it! Sorry I didnt mean to fly off the handle there, Im just really upset over my house. Do you know what happens to wet carboard... let me give you a hint it tears. I didn't have my makeshift tarp up today, thought it was going to be a nice day...

What the hell was that?

Early this morning I was woken up by a street official that politely with the end of his club asked me to move, apparently now societies unmentionables can't even sleep past 6 am. Leave me alone, sleeping is my best part of the day, so I folded up my home and hid it behind the dumpster. I was feeling a little peckish and I noticed down the alley off of 46th there was some cats fighting in and around a garbage bin, that was enough to catch my attention I promptly opened the tipped over container and there was some mushed up, beans looking things in a closed bags. I figured it was probably edible but why take the chance I opened one and shot it at a cat, they ate it. 5 second rule, 5 seconds passed and they weren't dead so I opened one and sipped it up, it was more liquid than it looked. It tasted salty but almost as the taste when you chew freshly cut hair, I don't know it was strange. I did fill me up tho so I took a bag for the road. I know you must be thinking what place was container near, thats the thing its around a bunch of unamed buildings right near the train track. Anyways its about 4 o-clock and talking about the food that I have aptly called comish, I am getting hungry again Im going to get out of the library and eat my backup. No donations yet, thats ok I made 44 cents this morning shining shoes. Would of made more but I couldn't spit anymore, comish made my mouth dry! 

Day down by the pond!

Today I hung out with my good pal Jeffery, he has been living side by side with me for 4 years on the street. He has the craziest ideas how to get rich, for example today he came up with Jeff's Cross Pond Transportation Service! he wants to charge folks $2 to bring them across the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir, decent price only thing is his craft is two plastic shopping containers that has a make shift paper mashay surface. It's sticky and smells like petrified urine, I'm not complaining but I tried arguing with him that people would rather walk around. I was proven wrong one sign on a park bench and he made $12 on 6 trips. Of course they weren't that legitimate mostly kids daring eachother to do it. He only goes one way though... I tried telling him to give roundtrips or try to bring someone across but he almost shived me over it, im going to let him do it hisway! He's a good guy tho, well I got to get off this guys laptop, he's getting pissy I was holding his spot in line for this underground club filled with rich snodah